For As Long As They Last Together
by De-lay-ney
Summary: "You can't string someone as damaged as me along Elena, you just can't" Only now does Elena realise this, Does she take the risk, Does she admit to herself that she loves Damon Salvatore.


**This is something I wrote quite a while ago now about basically what I hoped and hoped and hoped to be canon (which now it sort of is, with Delena being together and all no matter how dysfunctional and ignoring all the obstacles in the way of their happiness) so it may not be my top writing because I feel the more time goes by the stronger my writing becomes, or at least the stronger I feel about it, but I hope you like this anyway. **

As the wind twirls and intertwines with her olive skin, gently grazing the surface and as it harshly slaps her, roaring and screaming through its lungs Elena Gilbert waits.

The spot next to her nail on her left thumb has been so irritated from her nervously rubbing it over and over that it has turned pink, and has already started to scrape away.

But now, as she stands trembling before her fate, the fate that she has been running away from for far too long, the fate that she had never accepted as hers that overpowers her fragile and unwillingly submissive form, she takes her sharpest nail and cuts into that irritated spot, scrapping away a thick layer of skin, feeling the sticky wet blood seep out.

She isn't sure how long she's waited.

How long she's waited for her to finally gain enough courage to step forward and knock on that huge door in front of her.

But she still feels her brain sending orders to her legs to move and her reaction being; stand completely frozen for the next 10 minutes.

And that's the one thing that makes her question her decision in the first place. There are multiple reasons as to why she is so ridiculously nervous.

One; she isn't as sure as she should be of her decision, two; she is terrified of rejection and three; maybe she's not nervous at all, maybe she is so unbelievably excited to see him that her senses are all wrong.

But she's pretty sure it's a mixture of the first and second.

The wind howls again and refuses to die down, after what's seemed like hours, she finally moves spinning around in terror at the sound. It's gotten louder, and looking up at the darkening clouds she's sure it could get worse.

Now she is again faced with choices. She can leave now and retreat erasing this from ever occurring in her mind, though if she does that she's sure the one thing that brought her here would bring her back again and soon enough she'd find herself standing in the very spot she is now.

So then she has choice two, the one she was dreading…_she goes inside._

It may seem like a simple task, but it has the power to change the courses of everything. And the risk is one of the biggest she will ever take, but she is sick of it. She is sick of feeling that feeling every time she sees him and not knowing why or even what it is exactly.

That surge that curls and twists in her stomach. the one that ignites fire, burning and ripping at her flesh. At least that's what it feels like, and when he leaves it leaves as well. Relief flushes through her but the feeling stays on her mind, overwhelming her.

And only this morning he had dropped by and she even had the thought of wanting to kiss him. In a fit of confusion she had driven over here, waited for the next hour, going over her thoughts and still she hasn't opened that door.

She doesn't know what to say or what to do or what she wants.

But she does know that she wants something, so bad, more than anything. And just as that one thought crosses her mind a clap of thunder erupts in the sky, making her jump and gasp in shock. She automatically looks up to be met by pouring rain, slamming down to the ground like bullets from a gun.

She sighs exasperatedly. Great. She's about to turn on her heel, give up on this whole thing and go back to her car but when she turns her gaze from the sky back to the door all the air flees her lungs.

Damon Salvatore stares right back at her.

Its like bugs are crawling all over her skin; she doesn't know how to move or what to say. Her mouth opens one two many times to attempt to speak but she stutters and keeps it shut in a tight line.

Damon has his brow raised, a little confused at her appearance. But he snaps out of it and breaks the ice.

"Elena" it's his usual bored sigh of her name. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

An awkward croaking sound escapes her mouth for just a moment until she finally finds the will to say something. "I…uh…I was just going to leave…thought I left something here but then I realised I didn't so…" before she can make her second attempt at retreating he stops her.

"It took you…" he turns around to take a peek at the clock hanging on the wall before letting his eyes meet hers again. "Just over an hour to remember that?" it's an obvious question but sounds more like a statement from him. The arrogant smirk doesn't take long to form on his lips.

Elena sighs, defeated and moves past him into the boarding house. Damon just shuts the door and follows her to the main room. She spins around to face him. He watches her intently still wearing a slightly confused and curious expression.

"I came here to…to…well I don't really know why I came here…I just…I want to get to the bottom of something" she spits out the words directly but uncoordinated and it almost sounds a little unnatural but she ignores it.

Damon's expression brightens just the slightest, his features relaxing. "Well…" he drawls while stalking toward the bar, lazily pouring himself a glass of god knows what before turning his neck around and continuing his sentence "care to enlighten me on what that is?" Damon tips the glass upward and lets the alcohol burn his throat.

Elena's heart pounds twice its usual pace. She really is clueless, she has an urge to figure this out, whatever it is but really has no idea whatsoever on how to begin. When she thought about it in her mind it wasn't as awkward as this. How is she meant to explain her feelings to him if she can't even explain it to herself?

You would think Stefan would be the one to go to for all this, and she'd thought about that numerous times but Stefan, it feels like the grip he once had on her heart has loosened tremendously. After everything, she just can't feel the flicker, she thinks of him and her mind is blank. She thinks of Damon and…and fireworks. That's her problem, that's her problem she has to fix, so she begins there.

"I feel something Damon" Elena is quite pleased as to how that came out, far more confident than expected. Damon's head snaps straight to hers, his icy blue eyes penetrating her soul. It takes a lot not to look away.

He furrows his brows a little, and then lets them go back to normal. Placing his glass effortlessly onto the bar bench, she soon finds his breath touching her nose. His hands caress the side of her face and she feels her heartstrings tug at his expression. She has never once seen Damon Salvatore so vulnerable in her life. So lost, so broken, so devastated. But underneath the glassy layer of his eyes she can see what she is missing. _Hope_.

"If you feel something…" huge buckets of emotion are heavy on his tongue with every word, so much so that she becomes entranced with his entire demeanour.

Elena has seen many sides of Damon Salvatore. She has seen him infuriated and angry, confused, hurt, happy, dangerous, monstrous, selfish and even at times selfless but never has she seen him like this. It's indescribable.

"Then please…" she can feel the waves of love coursing from his fingertips to hers, proving just how much he has to offer. This is him, this is him without any protection, without any armour. Just standing there and begging, this is him letting her take what she wants and suddenly a terrifying thought stands in the pool of her mind.

What if she takes too much? What if she takes too little? What if she is already half way through taking fragments of his broken heart and then realises she should just leave all together and shatter it forever?

She swallows the lump in her throat, fluttering her eyelids to the floor but as he speaks again, she can't not look up. "Tell me" he whispers, broken and uneasy. Something she thought didn't even exist in him anymore.

It takes her a few minutes to summon up her words and break their gaze, only because he seemed to have rendered her speechless. "I…I don't know what, what it is." Her mind screams at her to leave and to run but she can't stop the words pouring out or her feet staying put.

"But I do know that it's there, and it's strong and all I want to do right now is…is…" _kiss you_. Ugh, just say it! She finds it ironic that when she needs to speak most her throat closes up.

She breaks his hold on her, pushing him away and scrunching her hair in her hands. She sighs a long and loud sigh. Her pathway is curved and cut and confusing. She doesn't know if it's the right one, if it's safe, if it's got what she needs. And she is so sick of the fact that she doesn't have the power to let loose and take the risk. To ignore the thick mist blinding her vision and just keep walking forward. Her whole life she has been mediocre, and she'd say until Stefan but that's not true, Stefan hadn't been anything different. And at the time she needed someone like him, someone normal. But because her life has already thrown itself off the boat of 'normal' she desires the risk and the adrenaline it brings. But she can't make herself take that step forward, she can't make herself walk toward him and kiss him, even that simple act could change everything too much for her liking.

"What?! What do you want Elena?" his infuriated voice slices through her thoughts. She snaps her head up to see him, to see his hands thrown in the air exasperated and frustrated…almost as much as her. "Just tell me!" he yells it causing her to flinch.

She didn't expect him to react like this, she didn't know how close to the edge he was. She'd expected him to be numb by now, or over it. She is so wrong.

When Elena still doesn't respond, Damon huffs absolutely furious. "Do you know what its like to live your whole life in rejection? To never be good enough for anyone? And its even worse when you have this one girl, that you just happen to be totally in love with but can never have, telling you to be the better man, to care, to let people see the good. Do you realise just how much you expect of me?"

Elena's eyes are wide, still and her entire body absolutely frozen just watching the man before her break down.

"Don't you get it!?" he's even louder now and she's sure she heard a small whimper escape her lips.

He stamps toward her, so she can see every part of him unleash. "I am not the good guy, I am far beyond being good enough for you, If you want me, take me, there is no hesitance, there is no worrying, just do it, if you don't then, if you even care for me at all…let me go." She has no idea how to respond to what she's just seen and finds it awfully challenging to put two and two together.

His voice dies down to a whisper, which she is grateful for. "You can't string someone as damaged as me along Elena, you just can't" the pain and the hurt seems to rush to the surface, and that look of vulnerability rests on his face again. Elena can't comprehend much of what's going on, she's still slightly stunned at the way this conversation has taken place, but now more than ever, she can see this situation straight through Damon's eyes.

She has been stringing him along, she has been changing him into something he's not to her advantage and she didn't even realise it.

If the person who Damon really is, is some monster, who kills without thinking twice then maybe she won't take him. But that's the problem; she loves everything else about him. And she's already too far reeled in to let him go.

If she really wants this, if he really wants this then taking the risk might be worth it, for as long as they last together.


End file.
